


Hot Stuff

by Lulzy (likelolwhat)



Series: For the Love of a Meme [8]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Community: skyrimkinkmeme, Dangerous Ideas, Dawnguard, F-Bomb, Humor, Lucien just wants to kill things, M/M, Poor Lucien, Skyrim Kink Meme, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 19:41:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2593937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likelolwhat/pseuds/Lulzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Constanus the Dragonborn declined Lord Harkon's offer of vampirism. There's just one nagging problem: how to get into the Vampire Lord's pants after rejecting him so thoroughly?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hot Stuff

**Author's Note:**

> De-anoning from the skyrimkinkmeme, [a misfire fill](http://skyrimkinkmeme.livejournal.com/3389.html?thread=2754621#t2754621).

"Serana?" Constanus said, lying flat on his back in the bottom of the rowboat.

"What? You know, you could _help_ me."

"Is it just me or was your dad hot?"

"..."

"Like, really hot."

"Shut. Up."

"I think it was the voice. And the loincloth—"

Serana whacked him over the head with an oar and that was that. Or so she thought.

As she was dragging the rowboat up the shore behind the now-deserted Northwatch Keep, Constanus stirred with a groan. The lump on his head was receding rather fast due to the cold.

"Wha? _Whoa_." Constanus raised a hand, still not fully aware if Serana knew anything about mortals anymore. A blue ball of Void energy gathered in his hand and a moment later the ghostly form of a hooded man swirled into existence on the beach beside the boat.

"My Listener?" said the spirit, looking down at the still-supine Imperial.

"Oh, hi Lucien. How'd you get here?"

"Did you mis-summon me, again? There isn't even anyone to kill here, is there?" Lucien glanced around, spotting Serana, and looked back at Constanus. "Can I kill her?" He gestured with his thumb over his spectral shoulder.

"Er, no. But now that you're here, I have a question for you."

"Of course, Listener. I am knowledgeable on all methods of bloodletting—"

"You saw Harkon, right? That lordly vampire dude?"

"Oh no you don't, we are not going back to this...!" Serana protested, to no avail.

"Indeed, Listener. Would you like me to kill him?"

"No! No, I just, er, was hoping you got a good look at him before he threw me outside and desummoned you."

"I did."

"And? Did you think he was hot?"

"Desirable to have sex with? Yes. He was attractive. Not for me, naturally, but—"

"HELL YES!" Constanus sat up in the boat. "I told you Serana, your dad is hot stuff!"

"I third this motion," Lucien drawled. He looked bored now. "It must happen. Now, Listener, anything that has to do with murder? Please?"

Constanus waved his hand vaguely, lifting himself up on the seat of the boat as Lucien popped back to the Void with a long-suffering sigh. "I wonder if I can go back, if he would take me after I was so stupid..." he muttered to himself. "I can just ask him to fuck me, right, I could be a thrall and not have to rip out throats for a living...?"

Serana pinched her nose, extended her hand, and promptly turned the Dragonborn into _her_ thrall instead.

**Author's Note:**

> Repeating for those not in the know: a "misfire fill" on the meme is the traditional community reaction when someone accidentally posts a comment on a prompt/fill at the top level — so a) it looks like a prompt at first glance and b) it isn't obvious which prompt/fill the Anon is reacting to. When this happens, an Author!Anon writes a mini-fill incorporating something about the comment.
> 
> In this case, the Anon said "Hell ye -- Harkon is sooo hot lol I 3rd this XD it must happen lol".


End file.
